“I am not a big advocate of living together before marriage. It can be the right thing, but it can also leave two people stuck together who have not figured out what they really want out of a relationship.”-Emily Yoffe
Today, most modern couples are shacking up together and have started living their lives under one roof.
After all, there is no point in living separately when rental fees or real estate is priced at a premium. However, it is also highly likely that we have been told that we should never try living under one roof with our significant other without the benefit of marriage. Coming from a deeply religious family, shacking up before I have tied the knot was always something my own mother warned me about. The usual story goes that I would be living in sin and that the longer I live with someone, the less likely they are going to marry me.
After all, as the saying goes: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? However, antiquated and rather archaic beliefs aside, there are a few reasons why you should not jump into the idea of living with your significant other just yet. Sure, the idea might seem romantic—exciting even as who would not love waking up and sleeping next to their partners day after day? However, before you start building on the idea and scouring for properties in One Roxas Triangle or elsewhere, it is best to be aware of what you are getting into.
So, before testing the strength of your relationship or the enduring resilience of your love by moving in together, here are some of the things you ought to know about and why you should decide against the idea:
Solitude should be embraced
When you are on your own, you have your own space. You have a designated room where you can be as you are. However, all these are pretty much extinguished when you are living with a significant other. Once you are sharing a room, the both of you would be compromising on the color of the duvets or what kind of pillows you should use. Furthermore, you might be constrained to sacrifice some of your belongings. After all, space would be limited and you cannot realistically expect to stuff your shared room with all of your belongings. Compromising would be something the both of you would be doing quite often. So, enjoy your solitude while you still have it.
It gives you a way out should you need it
More often than not, couples live under one roof in order to mitigate rental costs and other expenses. However, this is not a good idea until both of you have already had all the difficult and rather unpleasant conversations. This includes what your plans in life for together, if and when you would get married and the like. With this in mind, you should not share a residential property with someone you are not even legally tied to—lest it would cost problems. Admittedly, breaking a rental contract would be a lot easier than getting a divorce or annulment, but you should still think twice about getting into a rental contract with someone if you do not even see yourself with them for the long haul.
You get to live on your own schedule (and terms)
Living with someone means that both of you would have to adapt to each other’s habits. And like stated above, the both of you would need to do a lot of compromising. Living alone means that you can come and go as you please. You have your own schedule without bothering anyone and can work late into the night without the compelling need to stay quiet so as not to disturb others. This is not the case when you are living together as you need to be flexible with each other’s schedules. When it is just you, it would be far easier.
Convenience is not romance
Rental, regardless of where you choose to live which is why most couples would attribute shacking up together to the high rental cost. Living together saves them a significant amount of money and would allow them to split the monthly rental cost. However, if you put it that way, is it romantic at all? Remember, deciding to move in together is a big step and is a rather huge deal. In one way or another, it is one step closer to getting married. So, if you have decided to live together for practical reasons, would it not effectively extinguish the romance and excitement in asking you to take your relationship to the next level? Much like a marriage proposal, most individuals would want it to come from a place of sincere and genuine love instead of lackluster convenience. Take note: this is a decision that would affect the both of you. Incidentally, it would also bind the both of you together. So, if your reason is simply to save some money, would it not defeat the romance in your relationship?